No more World Tour I guess

oh well, it is always expected from that kind of people.

It wasn't easy, oh god it wasn't

Destructive behavior, as we usually suppose, leads to destructive lives. This in turn creates tension and stress in our social relations and inner life. Why am I talking about this? well, for the most part, because I do engage in this type of behavior quite often. as many times as i can, sadly. and after a recollection of memories and events that presupposed me to this, I began to think and understand, to some extent, my reasons for such blasphemous behavior (it's blasphemous, since it goes against a correct moral understanding of oneself taking a very uninteresting path that only derives in self destruction).

I, for as long as i can remember, have no such interest in my life that can perpetuate as state of well being. My major concern with myself is that of not being able to give praise or joy to myself, in the way that a common good citizen does, it's been difficult it drives me to go beyond, which is good, but at the same time it does not allow me to enjoy my success. oh, it is hard, it looks hard. so now, i want to change, i need to. and although i said i would at the beginning of this blog, trust me, i have not been able to.

many restrictions appeared and held me back, just as others that did before went away. i need my time, but it is not the case that i am able to grant it to myself. i can't im at a loss, unable, unwilling and unwanted. can anyone feed me some info on this? google is just not cutting it. thus far this is only a way of wynning.



it's not working and it is very, very frustrating.

From Silvia's desktop i write...

After several days here in our lovely city of juarez of intense heat and scorching sun. i decided to go out and see if i could enjoy and evening walk. lately i have been going out for a jog around 12 at night, so this time i tried a little less extreme and set out to walk around nine-ish which is when the sun has barely set and there is not much people wandering out on the streets, i couldn't so i just waited until it was the time and set out to do my thing.

my point you see(if i ever have a point i guess), it's that i began thinking about a certain topic of common interest to most people, well, young people. that is, what is in itself being a good citizen all about? how can one achieve such status and how can one preferably enjoy that, instead say, an opulent life subsidised by the organized crime groups that all of us love and enjoy hearing stories about. and i came to think about this, because several days ago i had almost been shot to death by a stray bullet, when some gangster looking lads decided to open fire on some people in the middle of the street and i just so happened to be there. now, to me the obvious decision is to go for the upright citizen and be good and all that yada-yada. and as i ran past the local seven-eleven place, i ocurred to me. it's maybe, just maybe and im not defending actions or decisions made by these people. but to me it seemed possible that to these people, this sort of behaviour is as normal as taking a jog at 12 at night in one of the most violent and insecure cities of the country, which to me seems normal. to them, killing and such is in a way normal just like i think of my jogs as harmless. So i ask myself, when did i decided what normal is or isn't? hard right? since im not heterophobic, what am i then?

i just hate the way things are turning out. lonerism takes a quick grasp of ones' self and it feels empty all the time, just like making that turn on main street that will take you all the way back home, and yet one does not feel ever at home at all. it is too late to try and change a bad decision, but one can always improve the outcome.




by the way, she's just taking a nap here next to me, looks so peaceful and reminds me of the woman that once filled my life. sorry for ruining things for all of us love. sorry for the ugly bad times. i kiss you with envy at your state.

On the philosophy of history and such Hegel-like crap

What in the world can one be thinking when its decided to go ahead and publish a combined work of a philosopher that did not seemed interested in the least bit to publish said references? such happened with Hegel and for that i thank, although i cannot begin to understand that said person is thinking when he claims that the philosopher is beyond other enterprises and possesses access to knowledge that others don't. that to me is exalting features that are not true or accurate, but thats just my mediocre understanding of it without great depth. if that upsets anyone, im sorry. i will in effect work to understanding all of these continental philosophers that don't interest me and i loath at their reading. but oh well, i will get it someday, until then its just Quine for me. ok, pip-hip!





Kisses to you Silvia, who's the only one that really cares and reads what little crap i have to say. lotsa love, bye.

Masters

Does any one have the texts of chomsky in regards to philosophy of language? i have several, but the quotations are in french a language that i don't really enjoy, so if any of you can help me with those texts in full english, i'd be very grateful. thanks for the time.

Do you know my name?

In the past few days, there has been a very forwarded feeling of repression and guilt from my part towards everyone. now, i don't mean by any way or form that im going around crying over everything that crosses my path, but rather it somewhat seems that i do look like i am in the gutter, so people ask about my well being and stuff.
sometimes i do wonder what will be of my immediate future, the kind of future that most people know about with a very high degree of certainty. for it seems to me that in no respect i have ever held that confidence that others show towards their life in the short run. now more than ever i am without a certain path or course of action, nothing seems to work and definitely nothing seems to prevail in my life. blergh, i hate this, it blows big time. right now i can only hope to get out of this state of mind and move into one where i can feel good and make others feel good about me, until then i'll just surf around in this sea of nothingness that is my life.